My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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