I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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