I hate your face
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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