I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
