I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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