Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I stole a fireplace last night.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
