Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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