So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
