Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
