So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
