I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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