I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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