i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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