I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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