Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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