This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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