She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Do you still have your period?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
