dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
