So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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