I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
