im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
