News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
