I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
