I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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