The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How does one acquire holy water?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
