How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
