Where is the hickey?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
