I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
