I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
