she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
