the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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