i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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