There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I CAN MOONWALK!
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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