I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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