Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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