I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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