There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
