I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
