I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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