brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
