Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
