My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
