I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
