when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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