so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
