The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
