Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
