I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
