all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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