She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
