Soap is not a condiment
I'm drive I can fine osifer
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
