Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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