3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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